Yeah, I'm walking by the line,
Not here but in my mind.
You know we might just stay away.
I can hear it calling me the way it used to do,
I can hear it calling me back home.
Kick the sand in you face.
You left when I told you I was curious,
I never said that I was brave.
Oh, have you ever seen the lights?
Have you ever seen the lights?
Have you ever seen the lights?
I used to swim a lot, submerge myself a lot, it was always so surreal, like ebbing through a thick air, with slow movements that were made graceful by the blanket of blue light and refraction. and when you open your eyes it's all a blur , with soft edges but significant details you can't miss, the way hair separates and moves, the way clothes flow and roll like waves all along the body. Theday my mom left for las vegas for what ended up being a year, i swam, i walked stragiht up to the ocean, slipped in and wanted to stay in for good. the frigid salt water bit my ankles and i let myself drown, i kept myself under for too long, floating in a mess of salt and shame, the cold water kept my blood from running too quickly, kept me tense, and kept me so relaxed, as if it was a blanket of stitches and souchers, holding my skin onto my bones so tight. i'm not afraid of drowing, or quick currents that pull at your ankles and take you down, because i am not afraid of going under. that moment when you decide ythat it's okay that your hair gets wet and it's okay that your make up runs and that you don't give a damn who sees you anymore, the moment you count to three then press yourself down, into the deep thick blue that is the atlantic and you breathe, not in the physical sense of breathing, but you breathe in that shock of the sudden burst of temperature change and you hold yourself down for quite some time because it is suddenly the only place you want to be, under.
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